Have you ever gone to a wedding in your pajamas?
Why not?
Isn’t a wedding all about the dancing and the spirit? I’m sure you could dance just as well in pajamas. So what’s the difference?
Because clothes matter. The feelings we have are not only expressed through what we wear; our clothing can actually create a mood within us. The right attire doesn’t just reflect the moment, it helps generate it.
That’s what I answered a juvenile principal who once asked me how to motivate young teens to be kinder.
He admitted that bringing in speakers and lecturers, funded by government programs, hasn’t been effective. The inspiration fades. The message doesn’t stick.
I suggested something different. Have them do something good.
Action is powerful. It can place us in a new emotional space. It can help us experience a feeling we didn’t previously have. When a teen personally hands a sandwich to someone in need, that experience settles into the body. It’s no longer theoretical. It’s real. Only afterward can they meaningfully discuss it, because now they’re unpacking something they’ve actually lived.
I know someone who carries ten-dollar gift cards to certain food chain stores in his wallet. Whenever he passes someone who may need help, he quietly hands one over. He once told me that the act itself gives him a real high. Not because of recognition. Not because of thanks. Simply because doing something good changes him in that moment.
That is also why, when you listen to testimonials from hostages, many of them describe how the moments that gave them the most strength were moments of mitzvot. Saying Kiddush on Friday night. Lighting Shabbat candles. Performing a small Jewish act under impossible conditions. They describe those moments as times they felt deeply connected.
What makes this especially powerful is that many of them openly share that they came from kibbutzim and were not raised with religious observance. They did not feel a any connection to mitzvot prior to October 7. And yet, in captivity, it was specifically the act of Kiddush that connected them. The action itself nurtured the bond.
Actions matter. They don’t only express what we already feel; they can generate feelings we never imagined we were capable of. Action counts.
That’s why someone who puts on tefillin often feels stirred to do more. The action of a mitzvah draws us in. Many times we don’t initially feel like doing it, but the doing awakens the feeling.
It may seem counterintuitive, but it’s real. Action can begin a new cycle of emotion.
Jewish actions, mitzvot, are connectors. They ground us. They align us. They make us feel at home within ourselves and within something larger than ourselves.
And this principle isn’t limited to Judaism. It’s true in every area of life.
Action connects.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Mendy
