At a conference of educators, a renowned teacher was singled out for advice:
“Why do your students love hearing criticism from you?” attendees asked, “It’s our greatest challenge – what’s your secret?”
The teacher responded with a question: “How do you feel when your student misbehaves?”
The audience offered a variety of similar emotions: anger, annoyance, disappointment, insult.
“You see, that is precisely where the problem lies,” said the teacher, ” Criticism is made up of not only words, but also – and more importantly- of intention and feeling. The intention ultimately determines whether your words prove constructive or destructive. Indeed, if irritation has driven your criticism, the student will absorb not your words, but rather your negative emotions.”
Many wonder, is it possible to bring this economic rule of “less supply, greater value” to relationships? After all, the possibility of relationship implies that there is ample supply – one is open and accessible.
However, the very opposite is true. Indeed, the nature of relationships is exactly the same as economics: we want the inaccessible – that is where the drive is. In order to build a successful relationship that will never go stale, one must integrate a drive for the inaccessible into the relationship itself.
How so?
Establishing exclusiveness, by demonstrating that one is not accessible to all, is the key to a healthy relationship, a refresh button for a happy marriage. It’s the way we ensure that our “diamond” remains priceless.
It is the art of channeling that intense drive for the inaccessible within the framework of the accessible that holds the secret to creating beautiful and everlasting bonds.
This is part of the Wisdom in The Jewish Tradition of “Family Purity”. A System the creator shared with us in how to maintain healthy relationships.
Rabbi Mendy
